The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Inventions
by eoraptor
Summary: So, why did Kim only use certain gadgets once? Were there any which never saw the light of day? And what's the story behind the laser lipstick? ONESHOT -KiGo


"_**The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Inventions"**_

_By Eoraptor_

AN: Kim Possible and related material Is copyright 2002-2007 The Walt Disney Company. I do not own the characters, and this story is told under Fair Use guidelines, not for profit. Rated _**T**_ for Sexual Situations and Language.

Written in response to a fan-issued challenge at

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"Hey, I remember this thing… Rawr…" Ron held up what looked like a slinky black party dress and grinned.

"I'm sure you do…" Kim shot him a warning look and took the dress from her best friend of nearly twenty years. "Cause you saw me in adult underwear maybe?"

"Awwwwe, come on, KP," Ron whined, "It's not every day that you get to see a smoking hot redhead in a black satin thong!"

Shego, Kim's current life mate, looked up curiously at that, "Oh?"

The redhead's cheeks instantly colored, "Yes, the stealth suit transforms from a gown into... well, a stealthed suit. Skin tight and all that. So I couldn't exactly wear a lot underneath of it because it would show up in either dress mode or bunch up in suit mode."

"I'll say… again, Rawr- YEOW! That stung!"

"Thank you Shego," Kim smirked as the mercenary blew steam off of her fingertips after blasting the blond man.

"Now, Sweety, just how did Ron get to see your thong anyways?" She smirked darkly, showing just how quickly she could turn on her lover.

The heroine's cheeks darkened in a mixture of fluster and embarrassment. She huffed and blew a breath through her bangs, "There was this whole… leaping out of the window thing…"

"Ah, defenestration… my favourite form of escape." Shego purred and smirked again, "Go on."

Folding up the compact, satiny dress, Kim shook her head, "Well, we didn't have a parachute, and the only thing I could think of to save us was pushing the button that transformed the stealth suit. It poofed back into a dress, which happened to have reinforced skirts that flared out. We drifted safely down but…"

"The doofus got the show of his life in the meantime," the oldest of the three chuckled and took the dress from her paramour. "So why don't you wear it anymore? I mean, if it works like the black pajamas version of your battle suit? And comes with matching heels?"

"Well, the memory of having my private bits made public for one," Kim shook her head, sliding the folded garment into a silvered vacuum bag, "And for another, like I said, the transformations were tight. Ron didn't know it at the time, but those were briefs, not a thong. I was sporting a ferocious wedgy."

"Ouch, point taken." Shego shivered reflexively at the thought. "Hey, speaking of interesting gadgets, why did you never get that ring thing of yours replaced?"

"Ring thing?" the male of the group instantly poked his head out of the box he was digging through.

"Pervert…" Kim shook her head, "That's not what she's talking about."

"We never should have let him watch us make out," Shego chuckled and shook her head, folding up what she assumed was a more traditional shirt and pants combo, but suddenly wasn't quite so certain.

"No kidding. Ron, Shego is talking about the Kimmunicator Ring that Wade gave me when I was in sophomore year."

"Oh!" he nodded rapidly in recognition, not a moment shamed for his thoughts, "Yeah, why did you never replace that? I mean, it did everything the kimmunicator did, plus the lipstick laser."

"I know, sounds handy right?" Shego nodded, "I'd give my eye teeth for something that could make calls anywhere in the world and short out the security system control box from across the room."

"Eye teeth?" Ron scratched his head.

"You're showing your age, baby," Kim winked, for once getting a blush out of her girlfriend. She continued as she picked up her only set of heels, "Anyway… Wade wasn't completely satisfied with the design. He said that the laser constantly needed retuning because the hinge action on the gem threw it out of alignment or something. And frankly, I could barely hear or see him on the itty bitty screen and speaker. He always promised to get back to it, but then he got more interested in the battle suit and all."

"Boys and their toys…" Shego shook her head, smirking. "Still, it was a good idea, it's been a few years, maybe he should get back to it?"

"I have one ring I wear, Shego…" the redhead smiled warmly, holding up her right hand and showing the promised ring she wore, since it was still illegal for them to marry in the state which they lived, and Kim was determined not to go to another state to do so.

"So he can make it a piercing then… Laser Nipples Kimmie they'll call you."

"Shego!" the heroine yelped at the thought, and the expression it put on Ron's suddenly dreamy face.

"What? You'd prefer a clit ring?"

"SHEGO!" Kim gasped and threw the nearest thing she could grab at her partner.

The mercenary easily ducked the rubbery ducky and stuck her tongue out at Kim. Then she smacked Ron in the back of the head, "Hey, doofus, stop thinking about my girl's bits. You had your shot."

"Ow!" the blond rubbed the back of his head and grumbled, "You started it…"

Rolling her eyes, Shego bent down to pick up another set of high heels only to see one snap, "Shit, broke a heel huh? What a waist."

"Broke a…?" The redhead looked over, and then laughed, "No, that's an antenna."

"An ant-," the plasma-powered woman looked askance at the heel, and then shook her head hard, "No… don't tell me…"

Ron popped his head out of his box and grinned goofily, "Yup! Shoe phone!"

"Well, six inch stiletto heel phone, but still…" Shego shook her head, suddenly holding the bright red lifter away from her in disgust, "Someone's been watching too much Buck Henry and Mel Brooks."

"Why don't you wear those any more KP? Rawr."

"God you're in a mood today, Ron." Kim huffed and shook her head. "For one thing, they hurt my feet like nobody's business, and for two, do I need to be six inches taller?"

"and for three, I don't want to stick anything that's been on the bottom of my foot right up to my face if I don't know exactly what I've stepped in." Shego finished.

"Thank you, dear." Kim nodded in staunch agreement.

"But I agree with the buffoon, you need to wear stilettos more often," the mercenary smiled wickedly.

"Well Joss did get me that boot knife for Christmas," Kim smirked right back to the challenge.

The two women laughed while Ron tried to figure out the link between high heels and knives.

"Say Kimmie," Shego looked up as she picked up a tube of lipstick from an old makeup tray, "A thought occurs."

"Hmmm?"

"All this disguised and let's pretend stuff," the mercenary examined the tube of lipstick, opening it just to ensure it wasn't a class 3 laser or a webbing grenade, "Everyone in the world knows who and what you are and what you're capable of… Was there really a reason to put a laser in a ring or a tube of lipstick, or sleeping gas in a lip balm? Why not just make it what it is and not worry about the covert ops crap?"

"Well…" Kim rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly, "When Wade built the original Kimmunicator, he used the case for an old ZeeBoyGo painted blue… And it got me through customs a few times because no one thought that a game toy was actually a high powered illegal communications device breaking about a dozen international radio regulations."

"Oooooh, you bad girl," Shego purred as she set the lipstick down, confident it was really just cherry red Covergal, "But that doesn't explain the deadly class ring or the Call-me-beep-me-hope-I-didn't-step-in-dog-shit shoes."

The heroine blushed faintly at the purr, thinking both her girlfriend and her best friend were under the phase of the moon today or something. "Well, after the Kimmunicator, it just got to be a habit. Sometimes, like with the laser lipstick and the kimmunicator, the container was what Wade happened to have on hand and worked really well for the job, and sometimes I think Wade had been up for too many hours watching In Like Klynn movies… Which is how I got the titanium garrote G-string."

"Okay, I have to see that one! Which box is it in?!" the green woman dove into a likely looking cardboard container and started digging.

Kim laughed and shook her head, "Sorry Shego, I gave that one right back. It was neon green; plus Wade thought I had more… erm… badonkadonk than I did, or even do, have."

"Hmmmm… In my color even… I need to ask the nerdlinger if he still has it then," Shego cast an eye over her shoulder and down her backside in thought.

Since she was looking over her shoulder, she missed Kim sharing the same considering look at her much fuller backside. Ron, on the other hand, did notice, and elbowed her in the ribs, chuckling conspiratorially.

"So, what other boners has your tech support pulled over the years princess?"

"Boners!?" Ron looked up in a panic, afraid he had been caught staring, again; and that his body had given him away.

Shego considered the doofus for a moment, before shaking her head, letting the opportunity to put fear in him roll by for a change, "Yes, what other bad ideas has he tried to foist off. I mean, in a clearer headed moment he probably should have realized that America's Sweetheart here wasn't likely to be in a position where she would need to strangle anyone with her panties."

Kim laughed at her best friend and shook her head at her girlfriend, "Hmmmm, let me think… Well, there was the baby powder sleeping pwder. In retrospect the idea was sound, putting crying kids to sleep in a hurry just as well as villains… but the stuff put the user to sleep just as easily. Baby powder gets everywhere you know."

"Yeah, I coulda used that when the twins were teething…" Shego stroked her head in consideration, "Then maybe we all coulda got some sleep."

Kim nodded sympathetically and tried to recall some of the other bad ideas, "There was, um… what did he call it? Oh! The hypnotronic shades!"

"Don't tell me," Shego covered her face immediately in shame,"

"Yup, googely swirly eyed comic sunglasses that hypnotized people… even made of bright yellow plastic." Kim was practically groaning, "They weren't exactly subtle."

"I guess not. This is what happens when you let a twelve year old devise your gear, Princess… Or Doctor D." the former evil sidekick shook her head shamefully.

"Hey, He was ten when he started, and to be fair, most of his ideas work out pretty well," the redhead defended, "Besides, we beat you enough times with laser lipstick and flossy girl sleep gas didn't we?"

"Hey, didn't Monique do that Battle Bra sketchup?" Ron poked his head up suddenly as he was holding up one of Kim's sports bras, preparing to fold it.

"Yeah, but that never got passed the planning stage…"

"Battle bra?"

"Yeah," Kim ran a hand through her slightly sweaty hair, "Something about a bra with precisely arranged lasers on the chest that could cut through any restraint on my body."

"Laser Nipples? Yeowch!" Shego shook her head, her own long inky hair tied up and back in a vain attempt to tame it.

"Says she who wanted deadly nipple piercings five minutes ago?" Kim laughed and flicked a tee-shirt at her lover.

Said lover maturely stuck her tongue out at the heroine, "So what stopped that one?"

"Something about the length of the laser reactors?" Kim groped the air for the words Wade had used to explain it, because it was one idea she had liked, ending up tied to things so often.

"Yeah, sounds about right… even a little laser pointer is at least an inch long… you'd look like it was like 5 degrees inside your bra all the time." Shego chuckled as she grabbed the bra from Ron and quickly folded it.

"Hey!"

"Like you know how to fold a bra, doofus…"

Ron snatched one of Kim's few lacy numbers off the pile and quickl demonstrated the cup-to-cup fold, "I grew up with a girl for a best friend and helping her change into wet-suits, of course I know how to fold them. Pbbbbbbt"

"Wow, you got him well trained, Princess," Shego approved, "Remind me why you jumped ships?"

Kim made a show of considering the question, holding her chin in thought, "I found out I like fish tacos better than enchiritos?"

"And don't you forget it." Shego purred despite the crude euphemism. "Hey, what's this?"

At the question, both heroes looked over to what Shego was holding. It looked like a candle holder shaped as a golden globe with a hole at the top where the candle went.

As one Ron and Kim yelled, "DON'T TOUCH AUSTRALIA!"

Which of course was exactly what the villainess did at that moment.


End file.
